When conflicts occur, they typically fall into three categories.
Intrapersonal (Me-Me), Interpersonal (Me-You), and Personal/Functional (Me-Job).
When conflicts happen, often you experience decreased performance, higher anxiety, demotivation, lack of engagement, and an energy drain.
Intrapersonal (Me-Me) Conflicts -
These conflicts are often caused by having two natural tendencies and the need to suppress one of them.
For example, someone that is driven by immediate results but also has a need for the task to be done perfectly will experience this conflict. These two behavioral styles require different energies. The results driven behavior tends to like an active fast environment, the perfectionist behavior likes to take their time, and do it right. You can quickly see how this can cause some distress. This is like having one foot on the gas and one of the brake. It burns up a lot of energy.
Interpersonal (Me-You) Conflicts -
These conflicts occur when two people that have very different behavioral styles try to interact with each other. This happens at all levels of interaction; at work, with family, in relationships, and among friends. Conflict between people is not always a bad thing. When conflicts are handled well, they can be productive, lead to a deeper understanding, and increase mutual respect. When they are not handled well you may feel resentment, hostility, and have un-repairable relationships.
Personal/Functional (Me-Job) Conflicts -
These conflicts happen when a person's natural behavioral style does not match the behavioral demands of the job. The amount of conflict and energy drain is related to the length of time a person needs to adapt or modify their behavior. Anyone can adapt to a situation, the real questions is: How Long can they adapt.
For example, a person that has the behavioral need to interact (talk) with a lot of people will struggle doing a job that requires minimal or no interaction with people. It is not that they cannot do the job, (they may be great at it), it just takes a lot of adapting to get it done. By the time they go home from work their energy has been drained.
When a person is drastically mismatched with the job, it takes a lot of energy to adapt/modify and can lead to volatile relationships, accidents, and health problems.
It is estimated that between 60 and 80% of all workers are in the wrong job.
Handling/Resolving Conflict.
Obviously there are many ways and opinions on how to handle conflict. Here is a simple system to help you overcome the conflict.
1) Identify & define the conflict/problem/issue. Is it Intrapersonal (Me-Me), Interpersonal (Me-You), or Personal/Functional (Me-Job) Conflict? Once identified, define the conflict.
2) Brainstorm possible solutions. Generate a list of ideas to solve the conflict. What obstacles are standing in your way? Focus on your overall goal for resolution.
3) Narrow down the solutions. Consider the pro's & con's of each solution and select the best ones to handle the issue.
4) Create an action step for each solution. This will help break down what is necessary and sufficient. Set target dates for the completion of each action step.
5) Follow up. Have you overcome the conflict/problem/issue? Are there any other needed things to be done.
6) Get a coach. A professional coach can help you with your conflict resolution. They may see areas that you may not have identified or have missed. Coaching will keep you focused and accountable in the achievement(s) of your objectives.
If you have any questions about this article, or about how we can help you with your conflict resolution, current team building, performance, leadership, strategy, and / or hiring needs, contact us today!
